Friday, April 8, 2011

G is for Grumpy

Hey, we all have those days. Wrong side of the bed, someone crapped in our cereal, the neighbor’s dog decides that six in the morning is a great time to serenade you. Sometimes it really sets the tone for the day, and a little black cloud follows you around. Nobody can be faulted for that. However, the thing to remember when we are having these unsavory days is to STAY. OFF. THE. INTRAWEBZ.

Why should we do this? Oh, because nobody wants to hear how the third load of laundry is really bringing you down, or how being a single mom is so hard with both kids in school, or that you have a migraine and can’t concentrate. If you have a migraine, get the *hell* off the computer. What’s the matter with you?

Also, nobody wants to hear that your life has taken another rotten turn for the worst. We do not want to read about your minor indecisions, like whether to play with your Xbox or take a nap. We do not want to read about how you got cutoff on the way home from the store and that you’d like to kill the person in the green Honda who thinks he owns the road.

If I see FML one more time I think I’ll consider un-friending that person. I mean, really, can it be *that* bad? I do not want to read about your failed relationships or the fact that hubby is stepping out on you with his much younger secretary. Okay, I kinda do wanna read that, but you get the point. I am not interested in your negative opinions about President Obama, or any other president, for that matter. I don’t give a shit who your favorite Idol was last night and how you are upset that they didn’t get to move on to the next round. I don’t care that you didn’t sleep well the night before, and now all the lights look too bright. Again, take your ass off of the PC and get some shuteye. Maybe read a book.

I do not want to read about the company you work for, and how they are screwing you over. I wish to not see solemn, Eeyore-like pictures of you taken in the bathroom mirror and then posted on the Facebook, so that you can prove how deeply saddened you are. It’s gotten to the point where I’m actually impressed if someone is always smiling in the pictures they post.

We do not want to read about how dinner went horribly wrong, or how you are getting depressed because you realize you are aging quickly, and have still done nothing with your life. We don’t want to spend one second reading a post from you stating that you are plotting revenge against someone we do not know, and how serious the shit-storm is going to be. Please, just think before you post. Save that stuff for personal friends and family, if you have any.

On the days that you are feeling jubilant and light-hearted, please feel free to sign onto the Facebook and let your fingers fly. Tell us about the sunshine, about something a nice lady at the mall did, about a great movie you just watched. But, post up that your kids are driving you crazy because they won’t clean their rooms once again, and I may just have to do some housecleaning myself. Just saying.

8 comments:

rodney southern said...

Funny post Derek. Great job!

Christina said...

Hear! Hear! We are clearly twins separated at birth. I'm so with ya on the FML posts. I'm sick of that, especially when I haven't seen any posts where it's ever such a bad situation that a person should be using FML. I've said it before--it's a need for attention. NOT that my life is a rainbow of bread and butter plus jam, I just don't share the shit on FB. Thanks for this...

Derek Odom said...

LOL bread and butter plus jam. Our own little viral created by a madman overseas. Gotta love it. And yup, I totally agree. Crappy stuff happens to us all the time, I just choose to *not* post all of it up on FB. Life is just too damned short to share every single negative thing... :)

Marie Anne said...

Um, Derek? If you don't want to see all that, what DO you want to see? Maybe it's you who should step away from the monitor.

Ha! (said with a smile, of course!)

Popping in by way of the A-Z Challenge. I’m blogging at:
Write, Wrong or Indifferent
Marie Anne’s Missives
In the Garden With Sow-n-Sow
Every Day Crochet

residentgamer said...

I had no idea what FML stood for, so I had to look it up. I guess my FB friends are a cheery bunch. :) But I will not back down from posting about my Xbox. LOL

Langley said...

I've read two posts from you today. One is about Funny and one is about Grumpy. Haha, I think that's funny in itself!

Word Nerd said...

I'm sometimes annoyingly chipper, but every now and then I've announced in my status bar that I'm having a grandchild sale. ;O)

Theresa Leschmann said...

I don't gripe too often, I don't think. But every now and then, its bound to happen. Popping in by way of the A-Z Challenge. I’m blogging at:
http://tlmoviemuse.blogspot.com/2010/10/fresh-start.html
http://southernillinoistourism.blogspot.com/
http://fruittree101.blogspot.com/
http://babysteps4fitterme.blogspot.com/
http://foodpreservationtips.blogspot.com/