It seems most of my life is spent waiting, for something or other. I'm good at it, in fact, but I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. I've blown a few opportunities, it's true, but that can't be the end of it, can it?
I'm waiting for a decent job. My requirements aren't all that out of control: I want a job that doesn't beat my ass into the ground and that pays $40k to $50k a year. I mean, in a day and age in which $220k per year is still upper Middle-Class, $40k isn't a whole lot to want, is it? But that type of job is like Bigfoot: I hear about them but I never see them myself. $40k a year would set me free. I'd be rich. I don't understand at all why I can't bag a job making that amount. Or better.
I'm waiting, again, for it to get cooler out. I hate heat, I don't operate well in it. I guess my Colorado beginnings set me up for California failure. And now, wouldn't you know it? I work outside exclusively. Hard, sweaty work. I miss editing, badly.
I'm waiting for a possible home loan to go through, to get approved, which will just put me into a different type of debt and allow my house to dangle in the uncomfortable winds of mortgage. But, I've had this fucker now for eight years and other than keeping me out of the elements and keeping living costs low, it hasn't done shit for me. Credit still sucks, don't qualify for shit, et cetera. At least this loan might happen. Then I can fix all the shit I've fucked up on it over the last eight years. Then the bulldogs can jack it all up again.
I'm waiting for my wife to learn how to save a few dollars. I've tried everything, from scare tactics to temper problems, and nothing works. She just doesn't understand how fun it is to sock dollars away and create a little savings. Maddening, is what it is, when I'm the only one trying at all.
I'm waiting for life to change for the better. I've been treading water too long and my arms are getting weak. I need a gentle nudge in another direction, a positive direction. If the shit storm hits now, I may as well just lie down in the street because I'm cooked. I need a little time, a few resources. The urge to just hop on the 10 East is growing stronger each day. Just get on the freeway and drive. Keep gassing up, keep eating until the money runs out. I don't know what I'll do when I arrive at Empty Tankville, but it sure does sound exciting. It sounds like something.
God, I'm just waiting. I don't even feel in control. I'm the main actor in a Truman Show type setup, and the joke is very much on me. No matter what I try or what I learn, the same shit just keeps happening and I'm waiting for that to change.