Thirteen Things I Learned not to do During a Live Home Invasion--a strange story in listicle form.
Pexels.com 1. Fart. Bro, I’m human. Sometimes my body does things when I’m nervous. Three in the morning and a couple guys are creeping down the hallway outside my room? Yeah, I’m about to let loose the goddamn Kraken. But that shit was like a homing beacon. Before I knew it, they were turning the doorknob to my room. So I quickly hid under the bed. 2. Hide under the bed. Bro. Again, don’t hate. Unless it’s happened to you, don’t hate. Didn’t take 'em long to find me. Once the light was on, it was pretty much oh, I see a hand under the bed. There were two men in dark hoodies and nasty masks, one big and one small. So I did the first thing that occurred to me, which was to snatch my hand back, out of the light. 3. Snatch your hand back once it’s been seen. Man, I coulda played dead, I coulda spazzed all around like I was having a seizure, I coulda done all sorts of things. But I chose to snatch my hand back. Then bro said oh, the hand just disappeared. Yeah, along wi...
