P is for Prick

From the dictionary on my desk: Prick – 1. a tiny puncture or dot made by a sharp point. Awesome definition, and fully correct, but *not* the kind of prick I’m talking about. I am referring to a jerk, or an asshole. We all know at least one and, unfortunately, probably a few more than that.

So, what *is* a prick? Well, he’s the guy on your favorite forum who responds with, “Please use the search function, that’s what it’s there for. This subject has been asked thousands of times, and we’re tired of typing the same thing over and over.” - Really? I mean, someone joins a forum and isn’t immediately an expert on how to use it and you berate them? Not cool. If I join a forum I should be allowed to ask questions, no matter what level of Internet expertise I possess. Thanks, prick.

He’s also the guy who has 7,000 watts worth of amps in his truck and enough speakers to be effective at a small stadium, and always has the volume at ten. I don’t care if the music is good or bad, the rest of the world shouldn’t have to hear you coming a block or two away. These pricks don’t seem to realize that they can have high-end sound that stays in the passenger compartment. Almost everyone loves a little bass now and again, but when it rattles the dishes in my cupboard while I’m trying to watch a movie, it isn’t acceptable. Prick.

Pricks also like to one-up you on everything. If you fell on your bike and broke a wrist when you were a kid, the prick broke both of them. If you once saw a monster truck jump over thirty cars, he saw a guy who can do forty. If you tell the prick that you like a certain actor, he knows a guy who knows a guy and got to eat dinner with the actor once. If you say you’ve seen five concerts, they’ve seen ten and hung out backstage with more than a few of the bands. What a prick.

Pricks won’t realize that there is a fine line between a friendly ribbing and being a mean prick. Some pricks justify their comments by saying that they are just “brutally honest” people. The pricks aren’t clued in to the fact that being brutally honest only works when it’s asked for. If you are just always touting your horrible, hurtful thoughts at people, you are a prick. Where, “Hey, I like your new house. You don’t mind the busy street?” might be acceptable, “Hey, how do you like all those Harleys and low-riders blasting by, right out front of your new place?” isn’t. They both convey essentially the same thoughts, but the former is far more diplomatic. The latter guy is just being a prick.

Pricks cut in line, pricks hit women, pricks guzzle booze and then drive, pricks don’t think before they open their fool mouths, pricks know everything about everything and then some, pricks make fun of other people, and pricks always push things way too far. Don’t be a prick. Be nice.