Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Married? Not me. No thanks.

So, this is an interesting site:

Here are some stats from it:

Divorce statistics in the United States

· Almost 49 percent of the marriages end up in divorces
· First marriages end up in divorces in an average duration of just less than 8 years
· 60 percent of all divorces are related to individuals aged 25 to 39
· There were more than 21 million divorces in the year 2000. In the same year, 58 million couples were married and still lived separated
· The average male age for a second divorce was 40.4 years and the average female age was 37.3 years in 1990
· The divorce rate of first time marriages is almost 10 percent lesser than the divorce rate for second marriages
· Over a 40 year period, 67 percent of first marriages terminate in a divorce and 50 percent of these divorces take place within the first 7 years
· Every year more than 1 million children are affected by divorce
Divorce statistics regarding the risk of divorce

· In case of individuals who have attended college, the risk of divorce is less by 13 percent
· If a person has strong religious beliefs, the risk of divorce is 14 percent less
· When the parents are happily married, the risk of divorce of their children decreases by 14 percent
· Those who marry for the first time after they attain the age of 25, in their case the risk of divorce is less by 24 percent
· If the yearly income is more than 0.5 million USD, the risk of divorce decreases by 30 percent
Effects of divorce on children

· The possibility that teenaged girls from single parent homes would give birth to an out-of-wedlock child or would drop out of high school is two times as compared to girls living with both parents
· The children who are brought up in single parent homes display a lesser possibility to marry and more possibility to divorce
· 50 percent of the children in the country are a witness to the breakup of their parent’s marriage. Almost half of these 50 percent are a witness to the second divorce of a parent
· From 1970 to 1996, the number of children residing with both parents plummeted from 85 to 68 percent
I have always been pretty much against marriage, and for the very reasons listed above – marriage just doesn’t work most of the time.

The divorce rate doesn’t surprise me one bit. What surprises me is that every day, millions of people still get married. Why in the world do they think they’ll be the exceptions? Why in the world would anyone in their right mind have to “prove” they are together and love each other by getting the government involved? Why in the world risk going through a very messy divorce when you have the option of just breaking up if things go wrong down the line?

Yes, of course I realize that many marriages last and last, and maybe some of those marriages are even happy ones at the end. But it makes me question the idea that humans are monogamous creatures. I highly doubt that in the caveman days there was a such thing as “cheating” on your mate. If you wanted someone, you took that someone, if they’d let you. I think it’s in our nature. The amount of girlfriends, boyfriends, and spouses who get cheated on is astronomical, and those are only the ones who get caught or confess. Just think how much infidelity goes on successfully! *cringe*

So why do so many people, then, insist on going against the grain? What cracks me up most about marriages are the religious people: gays are an abomination with no rights under God, and yet heterosexuals are allowed to make a promise to the same God, but break it whenever they decide they don’t like their situations or their partners. However, religious hypocrisy is a whole other blog post, and probably several. I’m here to talk about human decision-making, and the fact that I believe marriage to be an antiquated idea.

Another thing that amazes me is the *cost* of these weddings. It isn’t uncommon for a common, everyday couple to spend ten or twenty-thousand dollars on a single day. So, these couples not only enter the pressure of new laws governing them, new promises to God, and a new life, but they do so in debt. This makes zero sense to me. I mean none.

By the time these young couples have paid the wedding off, they are getting a divorce and now have to pay exorbitant lawyer fees as well as lose half their stuff for states that recognize Community Property, such as Califailia. Sounds to me like it’d be much easier just to date and put the twenty-large toward a house, or a college fund for kids that arise from the union. Again, that’s just me.

You couldn’t pay me to get married in this state. Even though my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a decade, how do I know what I’ll want when I’m fifty? How does she know what she’ll want? Making life-long promises at an early age in life isn’t a wildly smart thing to do, in my opinion.

If you like marriage, why?

If you dislike marriage, why?

I would love to hear your comments.


Angel said...

Roy and I got married when I was 17 and he was 18. We've been married for 21 years now.

We have grown together for sure. I love him more all the time, and he tells me the same. We've been through a lot together and it's only made us stronger.

I realize we are lucky, that it doesn't work for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean their hope should be squashed.

And yes, there is a religious component to it for me. That doesn't mean people aren't going to make mistakes or that a marriage might not work. Nobody is perfect, religious or not.

Also, both Roy and my parents were divorced, more than once in fact, but our marriage still works.

Statistics can be made to say whatever you want them to say, and I really don't care about them

I'm glad you and E are happy, and wish you all the best, married or not.

Nicole said...

I agree that cheating seems to be more common-place these days, and it is a big reason for breakups. However, there are a lot of other reason for failed marriages: drug or alcohol addiction, financial disagreement, or lost *ahem* physical capabilities. Cheating is just one of a host of problems that couples encounter.

Also, if a couple is in love and they only have a 50/50 chance of "making it" long-term, why shouldn't they get married? People have a 1 in several million chance to win the lottery, but people play all the time in the act of chasing a dream. It's love, baby!

Derek Odom said...

You are right, Nicole, there are far more reasons for break ups! But addiction and whatnot doesn't address the issue that I feel we, as humans, are not meant to be with the same mate for life. It's against the grain, or men would stop checking out asses at the grocery store. *giggle*

Nicole said...

Checking out asses is all well and good. :) But call me a dreamer: I do think that the comfort and stability of having a life that you built with your best friend pulls some rank over wanting to get your freak on with another person. Obviously that's not the case in many, many relationships, but it is at least in the relationships I admire.

I'm curious to know how your girlfriend feels knowing that you might trade her in for a younger model in a couple years! Haha

Derek Odom said...

Haha! Not me! :D

Really, though, nobody plans for something like that; sometimes, I guess, chit just happens.

Michelle Devon (MIchy) said...

Okay, but here's the deal... some people ARE the exception. If half of marriages end in divorce, then half of them don't!

Also, there are protections you get from being married that you don't get when you're not.

Take this case: a man and a woman had lived together for 28 years, but they never legally married. They had three children together, owned a home together, but never legally married.

The couple, sitting at a stop light, were rear-ended by a car. The man later died. In court, the jury did not award the woman the same amount of money they would have if the couple had been married and they said so in the statement they made when they announced the award.

Also, in some instances, if there's no legal marriage certificate, you don't automatically get to act on your partner's behalf in a life or death situation. Can you imagine a couple living together for years and years and then suddenly, they can't even tell the hospital staff what their partner would want because they aren't legally married?

There ARE reasons guys want the same protection of marriage. It's about more than just government interference. Marriage offers certain things that you can't have if you're not married, and you don't realize those things until you need them to be there.

Marjorie McAtee said...


MyGeekLife said...

You know, I agree with much of what you said, and yes, I am a child of divorce, but to me marriage isn't necessarily done for "rational" reasons, and I'm ok with that. I'm also quite surprised that you didn't mention/consider "monogamish" marriages, or even fully open and polyamorous relationships. I agree that monogamy is hard, and for many people I believe goes against their nature and desires. So why do we as a general society still consider marriage so completely dependent on exclusivity? I think honesty, understanding, and sexual compatibility are far more important than monogamy in any relationship, marriage or otherwise.

My hubby and I have been together almost 8 years, and were engaged for 2 before we finally eloped. We had a simple, inexpensive ceremony on the beach at sunset, and it was beautiful. The most intimate and magical moment either of us have ever experienced. We both wept, just from the pure joy of that perfect moment of union.

Yes, so often marriage is cheapened, marriage is treated as a business transaction, marriage is considered worthless and archaic, but it is one of the most personal commitments many of us will ever make, even if it is a second or third marriage. The government has no right to deny anyone the opportunity to have those sorts of moments.

And if marriage isn't for you, then that's ok, too! I don't see why the US doesn't offer more legal rights and protections for common-law domestic partnerships. I'm all about freedom for all.

Derek Odom said...

Thanks for your in depth comment, geeklife! I agree with much of what you said, and I also agree that if the love is real, marriage is absolutely awesome. So many people treat it as ‘just something you do after so much time’, though, and put no more credence into the union than changing channels on the TV – it’s just what you do when the commercials come.

MyGeekLife said...

You are very welcome! Great blog, btw, so happy I stumbled across it. I'll definitely be following this one.

Derek Odom said...

Hey, thanks! I tend to have pretty strong opinions on stuff, but keep them to myself most times just to avoid the inevitable conflicts. Here, though, it's my world, and I'll say what I want, dammit! :P

Learn Hacking said...

Thanks for Sharing should be really good.
learn how to hack

Unknown said...

I think a major reason for marriage is to try and deter the breaking up of parents.. The statistics you posted showed the negative effects that parents separating has on children, but yet your answer is to have kids, while not married, because its easier to break up if you want to? If you're only concerned about yourself, that works out fine, but if you actually give a damn about the people around you.. not so much.