Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Breastfeeding in Public


Okay, guys and gals, I’m going to talk a little bit about breastfeeding in public. Anyone who doesn’t think it’s cool should probably stop reading now, because I sure do.

There are far more terrible issues in the world than a woman feeding her child naturally, trust me on that. The same folks who’ll complain about seeing a woman breastfeeding her child in public will walk past a homeless man without throwing a dime to him. Gimmie a break. And yes, I know that’s a weak argument; live with it.

Women have kids. That shouldn’t be much of a news flash, but I figured I’d let everyone know in case they weren’t aware. Not only do they have them, but they have provisions to feed them naturally, through their breasts. What a great design! Another reason why breasts are win, all the way.

As long as the mother doesn’t take her shirt completely off and then breastfeed, I don’t see what the problem is with seeing it in public. You mean to tell me that some people would *really* rather a newborn went hungry so it spared their eyes a flash of titty? That’s beyond ridiculous and selfish; that’s downright evil.

Speaking as a thirty-something male, I’ve never had a problem with seeing breasts. I’m not sure why another man would, either. As for women, I utterly cannot think of a reason why it would offend them. I guess if certain individuals couldn’t have kids, hated kids, etc, watching a woman breastfeed could be a bit uncomfortable. Special cases aside, however, what in the world is the issue with it?

A child suckling on its mother’s breast isn’t offensive, but do you know what is? Here’s a list of everyday things you might see at the store:

1. Wannabe gang members sagging their pants well below their tushies. Guys, I’d much rather view a breast than a male ass. Seriously.

2. Old people peeing their adult diapers and stinking up an aisle. That’s pretty raunchy, but I don’t see an uprising against old people peeing.

3. Obese people wearing stretch pants. Breastfeeding is fine, but there really should be a ban on leotards for fat folks. Really.

4. A mom piling seventeen children out of a minivan that’s obviously on its last legs and riding on two donut spares. Oh, you haven’t seen that one? Sure you have, let’s not be coy.

5. Obese, hairy men in muscle shirts who let their man-boobs flop out the sides and have a tattoo on their calf that reads “Freedom”. Show me some female honkers any day over that guy’s anatomy. Please!

The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you get the gist. The next time you see a woman breastfeeding and turn up your nose, think about how *you* were fed as a baby, and relax a little; it’s totally natural and, dare I say, even beautiful.

6 comments:

Melinda MacKnight said...

Great post, Derek! Your list cracked me up!

URWelcome said...

I totally agree, accept for one minor detail. The breasts should not be covered at all. Be proud of feeding your baby! Be proud of your breasts! SO proud, in fact, that you uncover them at ALL times.

Seriously, stop wearing shirts ladies....

Ciara Ballintyne said...

I'm not going to say women shouldn't breastfeed in public, but I wouldn't do it myself - and in fact, I didn't.

I don't object to women breastfeeding in public, but it does make me uncomfortable. Why? Because we spend x number of years being conditioned to believe they (along with other parts of the male and female body) should be kept covered and, like it or not, we can't just switch off that conditioning because suddenly it's breastfeeding.

That doesn't mean I'm going to complain about it though, because that's my problem, not hers - the exception being women who make a point of exposing as much as they possibly can with the intent of making people uncomfortable. That's not feeding your baby. That's just being a b*tch. It's like using your kids against an ex and then saying it's 'in the interests of the child'. Well, maybe it is, but that's NOT why you're doing it.

D said...

I have no objection to women breastfeeding in public or wearing leopard print leggings. :)

Christine said...

Plus, honestly, who really wants to hear an infant cry? Gotta plug that mouth up with something...

Elle said...

Great post... dead at the fat people in leotards... but it's so comfortable!