Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Ten-Thing-Tuesday: Getting Pulled Over

Photo ganked from: policelightsled.com

Below, I have comprised a list of ten things never to tell a police officer if you are pulled over for any reason. I have done hours of research so that I only provide you with the best, most accurate information. This is to be taken very seriously. Not at all.

1. “Like a boss.”

This will definitely send the wrong impression. It’ll be an awesome story to tell your friends later, but isn’t really worth the risk.

2. “Thank you, sir, may I have another?”

While this is a great line in almost any other situation, it’s bound to actually net you another ticket. You don’t want that.

3. “Not a chance, sir, I was with your mother last night.”

Very manly, but definitely stupid. If you do decide to go this route, please film it so we can watch your demise on YouTube.

4. “I actually drive better when I’m a little hammered.”

Well, I guess you have to say something, but this cannot be recommended. Even if you do drive better when toasted.

5. “Fuck if I know. The speedometer is broken.”

Never give them more information than they need.

6. “I mailed in the registration fees just this week!”

They know you didn’t. Just man-up and tell them you couldn’t care less about the color of your tags. Drive it like a boss.

7. “No, you cannot search my vehicle.”

They will anyway, and they’ll arrest you to do it. Just let them look so they’ll go away.

8. “You damn police are always harassing me!”

This will cause said officer to look into your history. It’s much better to act as if you are being contacted by the law for the first time. Ever.

9. “It looked green to me!”

Not only is this not a defense, it makes you look foolish. Accept the ticket for the very red light you blew through, and accept it with a smile. Accept it like a boss.

10. “I know my rights!”

Don’t say this. Chances are, you don’t know your rights in any given situation, anyhow. Unless you are fully prepared to back up your claim with correct, well-researched information (not the kind you see on Judge Judy or hear in the lunchroom at work), leave this one for someone else.

1 comment:

Eliza said...

See I told you, you should write lists for Cracked.com!!!