Saturday, December 6, 2014

Innocent mistake almost kills doggy: News at eleven

You read that right. I’m an ass hat. A chump, an idiot, a bad daddy to his pets. I made an error that could have been fatal to our adorable little Affenpinscher puppy who wears sweaters and coats and loves us a whooooole bunch. What was this grave misstep?

I fed the little guy grapes. Don’t do that.

So I was sitting at the PC one night, playing chess and eating grapes. The doggy jumped in my lap, curious about my odd snack. I let him have one, figuring he’d reject it and that’d be the end. But nooooo, he loved 'em! I thought to myself Ohhhh, how cool is this? My puppy loves healthy snacks.

So I gave him a few more.

All in all, it was only five, six tops, but apparently, that’s enough to kill him. For reasons science does not yet know, grapes and raisins have the ability to almost immediately shut down a dog’s kidneys, leading to suffering and death. Of course, had I known that, I’d have given him proper doggy bones. Being as I didn’t know they were deadly, I shared my snack without much thought.

The next day, I’m at work, on lunch, and I sent a text to the sweetie. Give that doggy grapes. You won't believe how much he likes 'em!

She writes back something to the effect of OMG YOU GAVE HIM GRAPES WHEN HOW WHY OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I say yeah, last night he had a few. She informs me they kill dogs and immediately takes him to the emergency vet. So now I’m at work, in a customer service position, with over two hours to go, trying real hard to smile knowing I possibly ended the life of the best dog either of us has ever owned.

I was a wreck. All I could think about were his stupid little under bite and how he loves to play with me, eating my face, arms, and hands whilst uttering the occasional playful growl. Oh, Lawzy, I’ve literally killed our puppy. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I now know what that means.

Well, the doc gave him a good bill of health, and said either I hadn’t given him enough grapes (but they said that a single raisin once killed a poodle), or he’s one of the rarities not bothered by them. Either way, they suggested no more grapes. As if.

That was last week and he’s still doing fine, good and well, as if nothing ever happened. Every time I see him in his little sweater, I think how awful it could have been to end his life and have something like that on my shoulders. Not fun.

Moral of the story: Animals are affected by some weird shit. Research before giving them any snacks not specifically meant for them because Google knows what will kill them and what is safe for them.

And for Heaven’s sake, don’t give 'em grapes or raisins. Also on this list are pickles, onions, and chocolate. Don’t take the risk.

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