You know, I got to thinking the other day, a lot of jobs
today kind of suck. I remember when I was a boy, it seemed people got jobs and
then stuck with them until they retired. That isn’t so any longer, for the vast
majority of us, is it?
I'll start right off by admitting that no, I'm do not have a
Master's degree, and I'm not particularly talented in anything except for
writing and event then, once the blinders come off, I'm seeing I'm likely
mediocre at best when compared to the hard-hitters like Stephen King or Ray
Bradbury or Clive Barker.
As my new favorite saying goes, "I'm just smart enough
to know I'm not smart enough."
Oh well, boo-hoo, whoa as me. This isn't a pity party,
folks, I'm just being a little realistic. Take me out of the equation for a
minute; I still don't know anyone but one guy who might retire from his
actual job. One motherfucking guy. Do you realize how many people I
know? I'm sure more of my buddies have
jobs they will or can retire from, but there's only one that I know for sure.
Now, that being said, most my friends are fuckups and
drunks, because that's the way I like it. But still, I know a lot of people who
aren't and they struggle just the same as I do.
Each time I get a new gig I think to myself, oh boy, milk
this one for all it's worth because I just know it's not going to be there
long. And I'm always correct.
AutoZone broke my heart, I'm not above admitting
that. I saw a career there, even though the work itself wasn't necessarily
glorious or always fun. I was good at what I did and they knew it. But reality
sets in when I'm not even making one fucking dollar more than a brand
new hire who may or may not know what a fuckin' battery is and I'd been there two years and was ASE certified. Get my drift? I had
keys to the store and the combo to the safe, y'all, and I wasn't even a buck
over minimum wage.
Jesus H. Pumpernickel Christ.
I have another buddy who got his JD for law and then passed the bar
and couldn't find work, literally for years. He finally gave up and went into
business for himself. It took a long time, but he's finally making a
respectable wage. But still, does this man have a retirement? Only the one he
makes for himself. Another friend is a high-tech computer programmer web guy
and, although he makes a hell of a living, he's not sure where he'll be working
in five years I guarantee that.
I finally found a wonderful gig editing full-time but they
refused to hire me on and instead, kept me as freelance. This means I'm a 1099
employee, I pay taxes up the ass and am responsible for figuring all that out on
my own. Which means you can take three to four dollars off my current rate and
that's more like what I see come paycheck time.
Well, fuck.
Now the place has cut my hours by more than half, so I'm
scrambling for work. I jumped through a thousand hoops and replaced the
windshield in my F-150 and paid for a background check to get hired on by one driving/delivery place, who told me: You did it! You're in. Now sit tight and wait for us to
announce that the Inland Empire program has been set in motion.
Well, fuck.
That was about $200 I didn’t need to spend on a job I can't
fuckin' work.
I applied for an editing gig for a semi-local auto magazine,
and I actually heard back! The ad said bennies, full-time, a Macbook, paid time
off, the works. Know what I'm offered?
A few freelance articles. I just signed my W9 yesterday so that I can do
more fucking taxes for another damn place. And it's slower than
molasses, I haven't heard back from them at all and he said on the phone I'd be
receiving a 1,500 word article.
Well, shit.
What happened to the days when a company picked up
employees, quality employees, with the full intention of taking them to
the end of the race? Today, good writers get bumped in favor of ESL East
Indians willing to whore themselves out for pennies. Today, good managers don't
get paid for shit and completely incompetent, problem-creating employees stay
on and on and on for decades.
Today, I think most of us had better become familiar with
IRA and 401(k) accounts, and use them, because nobody is
looking out for us. Our Golden Years happiness is solely up to us. More and
more folks are being let loose one year, two years, three years from their
retirement dates and that's bullshit, y'all. That's straight-up bullshit.
I encourage you to get a job with a big company and keep
your head down for the duration. Don't stand out for any reason, be it good or
otherwise. Do your time, look at the ground, collect your pay and slowly move
through the ranks and, God willing, hopefully one day retire.
Stater Brothers is good, UPS and the USPS are probably
great, and I imagine being a teacher is probably by far the best bang for the
buck out there, but ya gotta be educated. I mean, what a gig! Three months off
per year on top of your regularly scheduled vacation time, off work by
like 3:30, don't work a single holiday no matter how miniscule and ridiculous,
and once you get tenure, you'd have to show up naked and burn the school down
to get fired.
Shit. Gotta go, I have to clock in for 3.5 hours of editing
writers who do not know that punctuation goes inside fucking quotation marks
or that the word "president" isn't constantly capitalized, no matter what.
Well, fuck.
